When depressed, think of life just like music…

I’m a huge music lover. If I hear a tune I vibe with, I’ll typically start playing that song over and over on loop until I’m tired of it. I’ll add my favorite new songs to a playlist titled for the year. That way I can go back and see all the songs that came out in a particular year I thought were amazing.
I feel life can be compared to music in this way. When I’m depressed, I try to remember, just like music, so many great things come out in a year, but it can sometimes be hard to see it without looking back. Seeing so many great songs from past years in my playlists encourages me to keep going. New stuff is coming at us all the time (both with music and with life), and each year some pretty amazing things happen.

Depression

In the book “The Power of Habit” author Charles Duhigg mentions old habits don’t actually get replaced in the brain when we trade them in for new ones. Both remain in our minds. We may strengthen the new but the old habits don’t simply just disappear. I feel this is true not only for action habits but thought habits as well. When I was in my early 20s, I went through a period of depression and suicidal thoughts I couldn’t lift. At the time I was under the impression time heals all wounds and I’d eventually chalk it up to just a small period of unhappiness in my life anyway, so I didn’t seek help. As a result I wasn’t getting the support I needed to heal from it properly. Just like a broken bone not set right, time may heal but without proper support, it won’t be restored to proper function. Several years into it fortunately I did seek counseling and was put on medication. One of the best decisions I ever made for myself.

I’ve never actually felt quite in as dark of a spot again, however, every time certain and significant enough stressors occur, those suicidal thoughts come back.  Just like a bruise, you don’t normally feel it but when the right pressure comes about, the hurt comes back. Knowing the thoughts are likely to come back with high stressors (even when I feel in a better place) makes me really protective of myself though. I have rules I know are important to keep myself safe like not living with someone that keeps unlocked guns in the house. It might sound stupid to most people who think they know me, but my brain instinctively knows that rule is important to keeping me safe. Recently when taking classes to become a counselor, I learned that among the most important things to know when screening if someone will carry out a suicide soon is #1 if they have a plan and #2 do they have the means of carrying it out. My mind knew some of that without knowing those facts.

If you feel really depressed or suicidal, although very helpful if you have a strong support network, even then it may be really hard for people in your life to understand the way you feel (because people can’t see emotions to know how bad it is). But don’t let that stop you from doing what you need to get in a safer spot (which may include counseling). Even if you know your not going to act on a suicidal thought, don’t allow those dark thought habits to get deeply set in your mind. Life is hard, so don’t make it easy for those thoughts to come back when your going through another hard time. When I travel I tend to pack at the last minute and explain to people I mentally already know what I’m bringing, so I’m actually three quarters of the way packed. Don’t neglect your mental wounds so you’re already three quarters of the way packed. Seek out the proper help you need. 💗

but…