Cesar Millan (the TV dog whisperer) once said, a dog is most able to change its patterns when it’s relaxed. For example, if an anxious dog tends to react by biting strangers, Cesar Millan would get the dog into a state of play (feel good feelings) before trying to change any tendencies. Once in a state of play, he would use that brain state/window of opportunity to start challenging habit behavior. Similarly as a counselor, I’ve learned that when human brains are relaxed, the brain has access to centers it doesn’t when it’s in a very intense emotional state. For instance, when we’re calm, we can think with more ingenuity, creativity, and similar to what Cesar Millan taps into with the dogs, have a lot more of an opportunity to go with a new tendency versus our automatic reaction. Basically, it’s helpful to calm down the brain before trying to change a habitual response. Practically speaking, if you or someone you care about wants to change, if at all possible, practice calming the nervous system down first (take some deep breaths, pause to cool down, or do some mindfulness work), before trying to make that change. It’s easier to not go with our natural reaction when calmer.
Related, sometimes dogs go into attack mode easily due to their early experiences. After being mistreated early on, some become very defensive and bite a lot of people as a coping skill (a coat of armor they developed early on). Knowing the dog had early trauma, gives a lot of people compassion for these dogs (while of course not wanting to get too close lol). For humans, certain early traumas can also cause a lot of lifelong defensive reactions. Fortunately, as a huge difference to dogs, we can be self-reflective, which can allow for more change. However, some people aren’t wanting or able to be very self-reflective, which leaves them basically similar to these dogs (always attacking or hurting other people through their behavior and it’s hard to change). This comparison can give us a lot of compassion for reactive humans who seem to be attacking everybody though. Boundaries are important with these people, particularly who aren’t doing improvement work on themselves (just like setting them with dogs that defensively bite). But we can have boundaries and compassion for people at the same time (just like with the defensive dogs).
Just wanted to share that perspective.
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Another day in the life of Brina... 